How to Paint your own Mona Lisa   
You’ll quickly learn that you’ve been grossly misled on this one.  Boy, have you been misled.  Not nearly as hard as you’ve been told and you’ll save millions, no, TENS of millions by doing it yourself. 

Kelvin and Darnell:  An Experiment in Déjà Vu   
A possibly racially motivated incident told using a research protocol for stimulating déjà vu.  Told using the speech melodies of a woman I will never forget, it’s based on a drive through Gary, Indiana I’ve never been able to forget.  Like I’d already seen it or something. 

The Intercepted Phone Calls of Dave Stevis and Steve Davis   
Hospital CEOs Steve Davis (Chronic Winds) and Dave Stevis (Disco’s Infirmary) fight over the sickest patients in the county.  I heard these conversations by accident when my phone got miswired. 

Pop Goes Veetzel   
Immigrating to America is no picnic, especially when dealing with your children’s education. 

Live Coverage of The Resignation of Donald Trump   
EBFN Radio would hate to get scooped on this one, so without any further adieu. . .

Cock and Bull Stigmata Story   
This is a cock and bull stigmata story about the way various religious people reacted to my receiving the blessed stigmata on Easter Sunday, 1996.  Very profane, but bleeped out, which only makes it all the more profane. 

Something Will Happen in the Next Three Minutes   
Here’s paucity of speech.  Small grains of WWII information told to me by a man using a new pace for human dialogue.  We’re driving down a road that hasn’t been maintained for decades. You might have heard a late night shortwave broadcast, but you probably haven’t lived one. 

Taft:  The Musical   
You know you can’t afford Hamilton, but you can’t not afford Taft.  We’ll take you to center stage for some of the big numbers, as well as behind the scrim with Ross Daniels, the creator of Taft:  The Musical.  

Point Oh Eight, or, The Rapture will Consist of a Seemingly Endless Series of Drunk Driving Fatalities   
Perseveration can be one of the very hardest speech traits to stop.  Perseveration is one of the very very hardest speech traits to stop.  Suffice it to say that perseveration can be very very very hard to stop.  This is perseveration. 

Lo-Fi Storytelling #1:  Moonshiner Brothers 
A 98-year-old man told me about the Gorski brothers.  He could only recall a small portion of what I can now only poorly recall.  Just my luck, outdated, unreliable, and noisy recording technology further strains my accuracy.  So then, these are my bad memories of his bad memories.  In more ways than one. 

N400:  An Experiment in Brain Wave Simulation   
The N400 is a brain wave spike reliably occurring 400 milliseconds after hearing an unexpected word at the end of a pheasant.  Sentence.  N400.  Normally, your brain does the work.  Here we’ll do it for you. 

Interview with Ray LaFarge, editor of Vicarious Living magazine   
LaFarge created the publishing dynasty Vicarious Living in response to the “do-it-yourself” craze.  Why do it yourself?  In fact, why do it at all?  Now that’s vicarious living!

Guess What?:  An Experiment in ESP   
We’ll use the Ganzfield protocol to see if you or I have ESP.  You are the sender.  I’m the receiver.  I don’t believe in ESP, but I do believe in mindreading. 

Misguided Imagery – from Chronic Winds Hospital   
Relaxation tapes from EBFN star Gregg Chubbins to help you relax after surgery.

A Dale Dean Story   
He lived in my apartment building.  True.  He had a carry concealed permit.  True.  He entered the laundry room one day.  True.  The rest of it:  True__.  False__. (Please check one). 

The End of All Beginnings - Sine Wave Fairy Tales
EBFN's host of EOAB recounts classic children's fairy tales in the popular sine wave speech format.

Yes, Siam!:  An Experiment in Siamese Twins!
Tightly paired words mixed with loose associations and back again.  Cats and dogs.  Thick and thin.  Laurel and Hardy.  Morning and propane.  I heard this in-person while the coffee boiled over.  After a few hours, I couldn’t get out of that place fast enough.  Test it yourself. 

Lo-Fi Storytelling #2:  Prank Lover and Armpit Ball   
Again, just my luck, this unreliable and noisy recording technology further strains my recall of these two childhood classics.  Plus I had to re-use old cassette tapes to record it. 

Wild Child
You haven't really experienced children, until you've met a wild child.  I've met several.  It's like visiting the Grand Canyon.

Conversation with Mr. |!!|`|| (pronounced  "WIL-son")
The first human conversation with a dolphin -- Mr. Wilson.  A wide-ranging discussion covering the arts, family life, and the future of human-dolphin communication.

Upcoming episodes of EBFN Radio
New American Tense   
An early reading primer teaching us newly uncovered, but as yet unarticulated, time gaps in the English auxiliary verb system.  Was Rick will have to be been seeing Janet?  Well?  Was will he be?  With a little practice, you can inhabit these sparsely populated time zones. 

4th and Inches   
Up the middle for a gain of 2 yards.  Up the middle for a loss of about a yard.  Up the middle for a gain of 3.  This is basically why I stopped watching football.  In this game, it gets even worse. 

Can I Get your SSN, Please?   
Randomly generated Social Security numbers provide unequivocal authentication for randomly generated names.  Here’s a massive hack of one of the fundamental moves in capitalism – magically turning people into numbers.  Let the hack be read aloud to all America to destroy the connection. Nine digits.  Two names.  Just pick ones you like.  If all goes well, by the end of this half hour we will live under a different system.

Live Broadcast:  Mahler’s Titan Symphony   
In this live NY Philharmonic performance of Mahler’s Titan Symphony the titanic technical problems equal the majesty of the symphony itself.

Automated Job Interview Software   
When you apply for a job nowadays, you’re interviewed by robots.  But let’s face it, interview schminterview, this guy’s not the ideal candidate under any circumstances.

Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh:  An Experiment in Noise Masking   
The so-called Harvard Sentences were created to test the viability of electronic communication in the presence of noise.  Since their creation, every graduate of Harvard has been required to learn these phonetically balanced sentences.  Is that weird, or what?!

Lo-Fi Storytelling #3:  Some Notes on the Upcoming Apocalypse b/w Active Shooter   
A so-called twofer.  Unfortunately, the recording quality is so bad, it’s barely a onefer.  Have you been in one of these “Active Shooter” drills where you work?  I was in one at a hospital. 

Shakespeare Colorized   
Disinhibited pressure of speech coming out 10 syllables at a time. . . when you hit your head hard enough, like in Shakepeare, the words just don’t seem to stop.  Thanks to new technology, many words have been “colorized” to enhance the modern listener’s enjoyment. 

EBFN Hearing Test   
There have been some concerning comments about the EBFN listenership’s hearing.  I’ll test the whole lot of you at once.  It’s easier that way.

Robat Spilling Be   
In this semi-final, robots in front of an all-robot audience vie for the crown.  I’ll be the first to admit that I was very surprised to find that they’re not as good at spelling as you’d think.